Search
  • Madeline Topf

perfectionism



It’s hot! I thought, climbing up the stairs to the fifth floor.

why do we do what we do each day, going in and out and up and down; I for one have to scan my key card too much I for one have to walk every day through the hallway which taunts me with colorful rectangles of success. I sat down on the linoleum floor.

From somewhere, I think: are you sure it is linoleum? It is important to always be right it is important to always be right it is important to always be right

The standard width for a scientific poster is 48”, according to a google search I did before printing one. But when I got to the poster session the cork board to hang up my print was 46” wide. How was I supposed to know that? How was I supposed to win any money if my poster was hanging over the edge by an inch on either side and made a hill in my results section? I noticed an enterprising student who had taken two cork boards and pushed them together so he could display his poster, which was twice the length as mine.

That day on the linoleum floor I laid down and looked up and wondered, what if the ceiling of msb opened up and I could see the stars! What would I see? Someone could tell me exactly what I would see from the way the earth moves and the season or whatever. But only I would know if I ever saw it.

I close my eyes. It’s hot. Who is responsible for this heat? Someone whose job it is to control the building, who has lived it for years long before me, who is used to the heat, thrives in it. I am entitled.

These days it feels particularly hot. But the temperature has been rising bit by bit and we just haven’t noticed. what if we just broke through the ceiling!

I get up from the floor. Now I’m really sweating. I feel dizzy and squint, catch myself before I pass out over the railings and fall five flights. You just look down too much! Stop looking down!