"Closer to fine"

I've tried

reading, crying,

kneading, writing.

I've tried

dancing, running,

macrame-ing, meditating,

baking,

thinking, thinking, thinking.

It still fucking sucks.

When I carefully plaster on a hydrating mask

I don't feel better

happy, or more fulfilled

but I am trying. everyday I try.

I need to try. I need to try.

I need to.

I need to try

to be kinder, healthier,

for an inch more space in my mind,

for a bit more freedom

and a bit more not giving up

So when later we look back, when we are together again, we can laugh